A World Out of Alignment

Some days don’t just pass; they press. Today was one of those days where the schedule looked like a standard Monday on paper, but felt like a marathon in practice. Between the professional grind, a much-needed adjustment at the chiropractor, and a heavy session in therapy, I’m left sitting in the quiet of the evening, wondering how one person is supposed to carry it all.

My therapist and I are currently "in the weeds." We have a solid relationship, which is the only reason I’m able to do the gritty, soul-aching work of processing. Transitioning into life as a widow and a single mother isn't just a change in status; it’s a total identity overhaul. Suddenly, I am the primary wage earner, the sole decision-maker, and the emotional anchor for my son, Liam.

The transition back into the workforce while carrying the weight of loss is exhausting. My weekdays are a blur of professional deadlines, acting as a personal chauffeur for Liam, and trying to maintain some semblance of a home for the dogs and me. In the gaps between the chaos, I’m checking in on my parents, family, and friends. I love them deeply and want to make sure everyone is doing well. 

To add a bit more "good crazy" to the mix, I’m currently in graduate school to become a mental health counselor. It feels right—using my own experiences with trauma and grief to eventually help others navigate their darkest woods—but it means my "downtime" is usually spent with textbooks rather than rest. I’m learning how to hold space for others while I’m still learning how to hold it for myself.

It’s hard to find internal peace when the external world feels like a fever dream. It’s hard not to look at the political landscape and feel profound frustration. When I see leadership that feels deceptive, or I see the cycle of endless conflict used as a distraction from personal failings, it drives me crazy.

As Americans, we should expect a certain level of honor from those in power. We want to trust that our leaders are upholding our values and "doing our bidding" rather than making a mess of the global stage for personal gain. We crave integrity, yet we often find ourselves governed by chaos.

So, how do I keep going? I focus on the micro. I look at Liam. I look at the progress I’m making in therapy. I look at the career I’m building in mental health. And I work hard to make our lives better one step at a time. 

The world might be a mess, and my schedule might be a relentless cycle of driving, working, and studying, but there is a quiet strength in the "doing." Being an honorable person starts at home, in the way we treat our parents, raise our children, and show up for ourselves even when we’re exhausted.

Tomorrow will be another long day. But for tonight, the dogs are fed, the house is quiet, and I am still standing. That has to be enough.