From Surviving to Living

There was a time when I was just surviving. After Keith got sick and passed away, life turned incredibly dark. Becoming a widow changes your entire world in an instant. For a long while, I was just going through the motions.

But today, I can finally say I am living.

Getting here took a lot of hard work. I had to rebuild my beliefs, reevaluate how I parent, and completely shift my work ethic. Most importantly, I had to learn to love myself—flaws and all—and recognize that I am still a good person. I still grieve for Keith every day, but I’ve learned how to carry that pain instead of letting it anchor me to the dark.

One of the biggest hurdles was figuring out what to do with the quiet moments—the time that used to belong to just Keith and me. With my son, Liam, growing into a teenager and gaining his own independence, the time we have together has grown even more.

Instead of letting the emptiness take over, I started filling it. I rediscovered joy in crafts, games, binge-watching shows, and falling down YouTube rabbit holes. I started exercising, visiting family, and learning to treat myself to a coffee, a nice tea, or a bubble tea just because. Someone once reminded me that Keith used to take care of me so that I wanted for nothing. Now, it’s my turn to take care of myself.

Life is good again. Liam is doing amazing, and our dogs, Teddy and Winston, are the happiest little fellas. The darkness didn't vanish, but the light came back. I am finally loving life again.